I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
