Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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