genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Slut skills are useful in every country.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
