Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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