Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
be right there i have to get my cape
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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