we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
