I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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