My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
