I wish my penis had an off switch
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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