it's too hot outside to masturbate.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
