Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
