I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
