New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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