I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
