I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
