I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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