she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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