they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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