and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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