drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
