i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
