I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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