I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
