Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
