You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
