At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
