i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
