fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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