I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
