Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
