whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
