I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
