If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
