i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
