Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
