So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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