Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
