My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
