she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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