I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
