My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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