New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
