hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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