Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
