I just pynch a tree in the face
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
