So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
