I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
