If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
