what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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