Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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