I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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