i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
