The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
